Theresa's Journal

I guess in a weird way this will help get some of my thoughts and feelings out in the open, some for others to read or not,,,perhaps this is a good place for people to understand what I feel and don't feel. I have been hesitant in writing to a journal that is on the web like this but who cares.....perhaps I will get advise on my life. I am a little wiccan Goth girl, some fine me nice others find me not to nice. I live with my boyfriend and my best friend in a cute three bedroom house. I am 25 and boy have I seen a lot in my time. Some good some bad. I don't have many friends that are close to me,,,,lots of acquaintances but not many good close friends......I am not the type to really like people that much, my boyfriend says that it is because I expect so much from people. perhaps he is right. I do expect people to at least have common sense,,,,,a lot of people are still stuck in the "High School Days" and most people especially women are caddy and bitchy, perhaps that is why I have very little interest in being friends with women. my friends laugh at me when I say all I want to do with women is fuck them and be done with them. Unfortunately that is the way I feel. I have not found that woman that I can live in a romantic threesome with for the rest of my life. I love they way women look and feel under my hands, when I run my fingers in their hair or when my hand runs down their back. I love the touch of a women, and perhaps if I did not feel I could be around women, I would be gay. but in my experience with women and the way they hurt people I find that relationship to be impossible. I can barely find a woman that I can just be friends with for more than a month without getting hurt. my best friend now is the closest thing to a perfect friendship that I have with a woman, but i do not have that romantic relationship with her. We tried a few times, it just didn't pane out right. that does not go with out saying that her and I have had our ups and downs. There is no doubt that I am a loner, and if I had the chance to live in the country somewhere, where no one know where I am, there is no doubt that it would be a dangerous proposition. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, been with him for 5 1/2 years...there is no doubt that I would love to be with him forever, but there too I guess I feel empty, the fact that he is JUST my boyfriend leaves me with a sad heart, I fear that I will never marry him for the mere fact that we don't have the financial readiness for a real wedding. he is the one that desires the real wedding. I am 25, and he is 32. I want babies, I want more in my life.....I am done with being a child......I am going to college in the fall, I look forward to that,,,,I do feel fearful about it though. In any case lets see how this will go and go from there...

Current Mood: crazy

Advertisement